Now I have to

I was going to update my blog anyway. Honest I was. Now I got the Hits Newsletter and it had a link to the blogs so now I have to hurry up and update all these things I've been meaning to put up. I'll just put them all right here in one big blog that will be just like being distracted by shiny objects as I jump from one thing to the next.

Frequently I find myself spending 50 bucks eating out and enjoying a good steak. Yet the other night dinner consisted of a 50 cent pack of Maple & Brown Sugar oatmeal and it was fantastic. For the kids I just had them eat Raisin Bran but I picked out all of the raisins and put them in baggies so they would have a snack for the next day.

Last Thursday I hosted Battle of The Brains at Thirsty's. I had a great time but I couldn't sleep when I got home from being pumped up at the event so at 1 a.m. as I try to sleep & not wake up my wife, I put my bluetooth headphones to listen to music. I guess I rolled over & must have accidently hit the button that dialed my Mom. She lives in the Central Time Zone so it was 2 a.m. there. So she calls me back & leaves a message to say she missed my call & was worried because I was calling at 2 in the morning. I didn't hear her call so a few minutes later I looked over & saw a missed call from her and was worried because she was calling me at 1 in the morning. Yes I'm a complete bonehead. I probably should have called her back to say it was a mistake but I figure she will eventually figure it out.

My 11 year old found the sweaters my wife had for the dogs. Let me point out she had them before we got married. I love dogs but I'm not into the cute little outfit things. Even though we have cute little dogs. It was really cold out so I shrugged it off when she put them on the dogs. However, I had been asking how the male can pee in his dog sweater without getting it all over the sweater. Well I took it off him and the answer is - he can't. What a gross thing to find out as I peeled it off him and had to give him a bath. Funny thing is I have the same problem every time I wear a sweater too.

Crap I deleted it

I was trying to catch up on my blog updates and I accidently deleted one. No big deal except it was the one where I told my wife to lighten up Roseanne like in the Snickers commercial. Had a picture of Roseanne and everything along with my lousy attempt to explain. I didn't mean to delete it but now it's going to look like I did it on purpose. Besides I had an awesome explanation that is now foreever lost in cyber space. Along with the porno pictures I accidently erased.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

You know what's great? Dropping the kid off for practice before his game and realizing I left my wallet in my other pants, Know what's better? Noticing I'm on the other side of empty. Best part? Calling my wife so she can take it to work with her & I can get it from her car only to have her ignore my calls. I realized she thought I was just calling to see if she was awake so she would make it to work on time. Kept calling so she wouldn't wait & go to her car before she called me back. Yep she waited. So that's exactly what happened. She didn't want to take time to answer the phone as she knew I was just being sweet and giving her a wakeup call. I on the other hand was saying if I'm calling over and over and texting then surely it's more than just seeing if you were awake. I did have to take responsibility for being the one that let my car get that low on gas and forget my wallet. It still sucked!

My Personal Chef

My 11 year old comes into the bedroom to tell me if I smell something burning it's just her cooking. I said ok well don't burn anything. Later she asks if I want breakfast and I told her I was getting up and she said I might want to wait for the smoke to clear out of the house. She even fixed some for her brother and opened the windows and doors to push the smoke out. She had a big smile and very proud of herself for making bacon like they do in restaurants. Then said she knew she had to do the dishes because that's how Heidi taught her. She also said she did it without a health class where they teach you to cook and take care of babies. She's a great 11 year old Chef.

Screamed like a girl

Cooking dinner for the kids and kept swatting at the annoying moth at the sink I had seen the moment before & thought was dead. After knocking it down a couple of times I realized this was a wasp I kept slapping. I peed myself a little.

THE RALLY IS OVER

My kid was in the store getting water before practice and I'm in the car on the phone and this guy is standing outside my window & scared the crap out of me yelling "Are you headed up to the Rally?" I said no not now I'll be up there next year. He said "No the Mustang Rally". I drive a 40th Anniversary Mustang which looks like it's 40 years old because an old hag smashed into my car over a year ago. She was helping someone move on my street and backed into my car then knocked on my door and let they dogs out in the rain that we had to chase. She gave me a number that didn't work and never called me back. Sweet lady my ass. So I don't feel like I would represent very well at the Mustang Rally although I would enjoy looking at all the "not bashed in by a sweet little old lady" Mustangs.

I HATE FLIES TOO

Sitting in the car for my kids in a parking lot. Guy comes up on a motorcycle and seems to be pissy with a woman so I turn the radio down to hear "I'm not f*****g around! If they show up at the house I will kill them!" He tore out and she went to her care. It bothered me til I thought maybe he was talking about flies. I hate flies I would kill them too if they showed up at my house. Then I saw him at a stop light the next day on his motorcycle again. I was going to offer him a flyswatter. I figured if he was happy about it then it was flies he was talking about. If not then I would be worried again.

The Fair

I had a great time at the Central States Fair this year. . with food like that how could I not? I got to enjoy fair food while my 11 year old girl was riding the rides. However, I established new record. I lost her in 7 seconds. Not kidding. Not even long enough to score points on a bronco. She said now you can go to the bathroom over by where we came in. I started to walk and turned to make plans where to meet and she's gone. I text her and she didn't reply so I figured she lost her phone and I was going to the be the headline in the paper the next day... MAN LOSES KID AT FAIR. WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD. SAYS HE TURNED AROUND AND SHE WAS GONE. NO ONE BELEIVES HIM. OK, I'm not sure they can use that many words in a headline but you get the idea. Finally she replied to my text asking "Where are you?" with "On a ride" Well that pretty much narrowed it down for me. After getting her I text her older brother asking where he was. He responded, "On a ride" I was done at that point and just lay down in front of the kid train and asked them to run over me."

The Wedding

I got married in Vegas. It was online and I posted it so friends and family could watch as well as Hits 102-7 listeners. One of which posted this screen capture . It was aswesome to forget that before the wedding the online feed was up while I was making fun of my family that could of course hear everything. I didn't think of that until we were heading to bed that night. Number one, stupid to open my big mouth when the world can hear. Number two, perhaps a better time to remember would have been before you are finally alone with your beautiful bride. It was also cool to get the picture of those who were watching online toasting and being there virtually. I'm not stupid I know what a luck guy I am. We took this picture in the chapel before noticing that a sign said no pitcures. After we were married we went down to Fremont Street and the cartoon picture that makes me look better than I do in person.

As Seen On TV

I was going to wait until I had the picture of the foot thing but since I have the wallet pictures I will go ahead and confess to my As Seen On TV situation. I was making fun of my girlfriend for buying everything that shows up on TV. We have everything they make. Fake grass thing for the dogs to go indoors to use the bathroom? I believe we threw it away after a 3 days and used the original box to put it in the trash. The dog bark thing? It's somewhere taking up a couple of batteries I could be using for something else. Some things have made the cut like the slanket she bought before they even came out with the Snuggle. But the majority of the items don't last a day after we get them even after we have claimed to have witnessed the best product idea ever before the purchase. I was making fun of my girlfriend for getting the thing you put your foot in while you shower. For some reason I expected two but I guess you only do one foot at a time. Because I'm a whiney little kid, most everyone that knows me or listens has heard me talking about the bike wreck I had and the problem with my AC joint and my back. So when I decided to try the foot washer / massager / stone thing for your heel device, I nearly killed myself. I put one foot in and it took off like a snowboard. I reached to catch myself and if it weren't for the industrial strenght shower curtain rings (that we didn't see on TV) I would not be here today. That's what makes me an idiot for what happened this past weekend. We were in Kearney Nebraska for a charity roller derby bout and about 1 a.m. we went into a drug store and that's when I saw it. The Alumawallet. It was the color of my car, my phone, my girlfriends eyes (I think I don't know if I've ever looked her directly in the eye)and it holds everything and keeps people from electronically swiping your credit card number with those devices that steal your information. I don't know if that's a huge problem in Rapid City but it must be something that will eventually happen to me so I should be prepared right? I guess you can drive a truck over it and drop it in the ocean and nothing ever goes wrong with it. By the way, it never occured to me how much I really appreciate my current wallet and was in no way in the market for a new one. So I bought it. We went back to the hotel with all the other derby teams to visit in the conference area and I had to bring it with me to make the transfer. My first attempt was a bust as this is how it looked before I tried to close it. . From the other direction now... . I don't usually carry a lot of cash on me so I was convinced that my $60 was the reason it wouldn't close. So now someone else gives it a shot. As you can see she is putting all her effort into it and it's not closing.. There was even an attempt to use cleavage to get it shot. I don't have permission from her to post that picture. Oh and then the next day after we had somebody sit on it to get it closed, I couldn't get it open to pay for lunch the next day. I seriously thought we were going to have to use some tools from the kitchen. I'll keep it for a few more days and then it will be on display at home so I don't make fun of my girlfriend anymore.

Easter Pictures

I not only haven't been updating my blog but that means I haven't shared my Easter pictures. While we were at Kids Fair I got into the photo booth. I am so photogenic right? . I really started to get into it as the photographer started to give me direction . I'm starting to think I might have a future in this modeling thing. This is the one I sent out for Easter Cards. . They were all returned for some reason.

Reality Shows

I may have seen a promo for the worst Reality Show yet. Ok, if I stop and think there are many horrible ones but this one is just stupid. It's going to be on Spike TV and at least their promo even says it's their most twisted show ever. Repo Games. It's bad enough watching the shows where they are doing repos (I still watch them) but this one gives people a chance to keep their vehicles if they can answer questions. Kinda like Cash Cab except these people haven't made their payments and someone is going to take their vehicle if they get the questions wrong. Been watching more of the Swamp People where we get to have the subtitles because it's hard to understand their Cajun sometimes and now watching the reality show Coal in West Virginia where they also have to use subtitles for their southern accent.

Bathroom stories

I for some reason have several bathroom stories. I'm not talking about sophmoric stories but each of the things I've been talking about lately have to do with the bathroom. First there was the trip to the restroom the other day and just before I went in I heard someone say they were just waiting to talk with me. This was at work where I drink a boatload of soda constantly and on top of that I take meds that make run in to take a whiz every few minutes all day long. So I hear this just as I was shutting the door and I always wait till the last second so I knew that I couldn't risk talking to them first before I went in or my five year old pee pee dance would have been distracting to the conversation. So now I'm inside going and I'm like the Energizer Bunny, I'm going and going and going and I hear the person outside the restroom saying "Oh I'm just waiting to talk to Mike" Awesome. Finally I come out, just as excited as I could be that someone has waited 3 steps from the door of the restroom where I have spent the last several minutes tinkling while wondering what this person could want that was so important that they had to wait for me. Turned out to be nothing.

I have to stop taking life serious?

I always get caught up in all the drama of the world and all the deadlines. It sometimes takes a kid to remind you not to take life so seriously. I had a guy one time that was super wealthy and he had told me about a guy that was even more wealthy than him that taught him to wear things like a Mickey Mouse watch and other light hearted things to remind him no to take life so serious. Now, when you have millions of dollars I'm going to assume that it's easier to say things like that. I have not had that experience as the closest I've come to having millions of dollars was while playing Monolpoly and even then I lost it. But I do have a 10 year old in the house. Last Friday I was celebrating my girlfriends birthday along with some others that were also celebrating March birthdays. My girlfriend was given all these fun things in honor of her birthday such as a sash that had the "B" word on it and a tiara. The next morning as she got up to use the restroom. She found the 10 year old in the living room with a KITCHEN chair that she was STANDING on wearing the tiara and holding our shitzu watching cartoons. That reminded me that I have to stop taking life so seriously.

If you're so smart how come you can't work the remote?

My girlfriend is smarter than me. Now on one hand you might be surprised by that. I mean your thought is probably that if she were smart she would not be with a moron like me. Now I'm not bragging that I have a smart woman, that's not the point. The point is that while I knew she was smart and has a lot of education behind her but I went to college too. I say that because I have an idea of what good SAT scores are. What happened is that I was going through all of her things the other day in her office. Oh like you don't do that. Don't judge me. She might have a secret bank account or something. So while snooping I saw what her SAT scores were. Wow, trust me she is too smart to be with me. It made me worry that she's just using me as some sort of experiment for a doctoral she's working on. I'm afraid to go to sleep now thinking that she's going to drill into my skull and poke around. Then it dawned on me. If they had things in the SAT's that scored you on everyday things like hooking up a VCR or the perfect angle in which to bounce a quarter in a beer mug I might have been accepted to Harvard. As it is they actually use book smart things you're supposed to know. I felt better after I went in the other room where she was watching TV and said, "If you're so smart why don't you try to change the channel." She raised an eyebrow and chucked the remote at my head.

An Intervention is Needed!

Here we go again. I haven't blogged since the beginning of the year and I should be doing it every two or three days to keep my head from exploding with the stupid stuff that gets trapped in there. I think I should be like the addicts that are on the Intervention shows on TV. I should have a camera crew come along and pretend that it's a documentary. They can follow me around letting me think they are just doing a story on someone who is too busy to have time for anything else. Then they'll catch me taking an hour and a half choosing movies to put on stand-by for VUDU, Netflix, and Blockbuster. Then there will be another hour where I look up all these books I want to read on my e-reader and put them on my digital bookshelf and say I have no time for them. After that they will catch me going to iTunes and listening to samples of songs I want to download but I only bookmark them for later. Next thing you know I will be in a hotel room with my family, co-workers, bosses, listeners and advertisers. I will act shocked and won't believe that someone lied to me and didn't tell me about the intervention. Then my girlfriend will start first as the tears roll down her face and her voice quivers, "Your inability to update your blog has effected me in the following ways...." Then I will go off and start asking if it's 'effected' or 'affected' and she will scream "This is exactly what we're talking about" and someone else will threaten to punch me in the face while the mediator tries to calm everyone down. Before it comes to that, I will put a reminder in my phone and my day-planner so that I update that more often. That being said I will start with Valentines Day and work my way backwards.

Should You Be Eating That?

I am diabetic as many people know. So if my friends or family say something about my eating habits, I know that it's because they are thinking about my health. However, I have had a rash of clerks passing judgment on me. Should they be doing that if I'm buying something from them? I'm in this store late at night on Thanksgiving because it's the only thing open and I wanted ice cream. The old woman checking me out (no not like that) said she thought it was too cold for ice cream. I just chalked it up as a grandmother type of thing to say. Went there a few days later and a young clerk says the same kind of thing. I know it was cold outside but I wasn't planning on eating it on the bench outside in the snow. My house is 69 degrees inside and perfect for eating ice cream. I wanted to ask her why they were selling it if it was too cold to eat. I considered agreeing with her and putting my purchase back and leaving. The next day, although I never eat breakfast decided on a whim to have a pretzel because it was in the case while I was buying a soda. The woman said, "Hmmmm, really a pretzel for breakfast?" Is there a class somewhere where people are being taught this in cashier school? Pretzel is bread just like a bagel and it turned out to be a crappy pretzel anyway that had been frozen and tasted like rubber with the same kind of texture. Although for the record I have never actually eaten rubber. So it happened again this morning. My girlfriend would never allow pop tarts because of the sugar and me being diabetic so I decide to sneak one in this morning. (I'm safe, my girlfriend never hears me on the air or reads these blogs) The guy behind the counter says, "Got a sweet tooth today huh?" Can't anyone talk about the weather anymore when they check you out? I never thought I would be hopeful for someone to say, "Cold enough for you?"

Drunken Caveman Games

Crazy Sheila was talking about tattoos off the air and told me a story about the iceman that was discovered that had been frozen since the cavemen. She said someone was on her TV show talking about it said that was the first known instance of tattoos since they were on his body. I told Sheila it may have just been magic marker. I'm sure the cavemen played the same game of the first person who passes out is fair game and they got the Sharpie out after he passed out and marked him up only to find out he was actually dead and not just passed out. I don't know that it's true but it's a theory I'm working on.

I do not know that woman!

I was in the grocery store yesterday and just had to get one item. I called my girlfriend before I went in and asked if she needed anything. She said no and I got my one item. It was crowded in there and I stood there frustrated with my one item waiting to get to the cashier. I was one person away when my phone rings. She needs flower. I said, no you don't because I called before I walked in the store and you said you didn't need anything. She said she really needed it. I told her they stopped selling it because it causes cancer. She would not give up. I had waited forever and did not want to give up my place in line. However, we are engaged not married so I gave in and went back for the flower. On my way this little boy in a cart looks up at me and says, "Hi Daddy!" As God is my witness I never met the woman in my life who said to the little boy, "That's not your daddy." He was a handsome little boy so I can see how the resemblance could be there. I called and explained the incident to my girlfriend just to get everything out in the open in case I ever go shopping with my girlfriend and that same little boy is in the store.

Eat around the mold?

I have never tried kuchen. I know, I'm sheltered. I had no idea what the stuff was in the freezer. The kids were eager to try it for desert and last night I bought into the excitement and was happy to know that it was strawberry and had been thawed out. Because I love strawberry and don't like peach which was the other one that was still in the freezer. We had this awesome homemade stew my girlfriend made and I decided to leave room for desert so I could try this delicious looking treat. The boy is cutting into it and I notice something a little strange on top. Oh my God it's mold. I said, "Great, now I'm all pumped up for it and it has mold on it." She said, "If you really want it that bad just eat around the mold." What? No one should ever say those four words - Eat Around The Mold. I never tried it our the peach one the rest of them seemed to really enjoy.

Facebook Games

I don't play the various games on Facebook. When I first got on Facebook I noticed there were a lot of people in competition to get as many friends as they could. They would never turn down a request and wanted everyone to have the impression that they were popular. I knew I had enough friends for one thing so that wasn't a concern of mine. Seriously I must have had enough friends because I had lots of e-mail addresses and phone numbers that I had enough trouble keeping up with. If I have family members that I can't keep in touch with, I certainly don't need more friends especially if they're that person I can't remember their name but they always nod their head at me when I see them at the concession stand at the Civic Center and somehow they found me on Facebook and want to swap cooking tips! If you're my friend on Facebook, it's because we really know each other and you probably have my cell phone number and could call me to bail you out of jail. I bring this up because I feel the same way about the games on Facebook. I don't participate. Ok, I've gotten suckered into answering questions about people just so I could earn some stupid coins to find out who answered a question "yes" as to whether I had a cute butt. (Turned out to be the visually impaired former co-worker of my ex who thought it said "huge" butt.) So now there's this Numbers game on Facebook. You're supposed to e-mail a friend a random number privately and then they post that number on their wall publicly and tell everyone something about you but no one is supposed to know who it actually is because it's just the number. Good grief if you want to know why don't you just ask them in the e-mail to send a private e-mail back. So this is what I posted on Facebook... "#82 I've thought you were kind of slutty. You have a foul odor & no control of bodily functions. Plus a slight lisp. You really shouldn't have asked me to post" That has pretty much taken care of any requests for me to play the numbers game on Facebook.

I'm an Idiot!

Here we go with about six blogs at once since I haven't updated for so long. Let's start with the most recent events and work our way back. I'm an idiot. Let's just get that out of the way so I don't have to lead with that. Just imagine that is the first sentence before each thing I tell you about so I can save space. First example was this weekend when I was shopping. No not for others, I save that for Christmas Eve. I thought I did all my homework for the Blu Ray with Wi-Fi that I wanted to get. I made sure it was with the Wi-Fi built in and found my great deal. I was so wrapped up in everything it wasn't until I got home that I found out that it didn't have Netflix Wi-Fi. It only had Vudu. I had checked and double checked to make sure it was just what I wanted except I forgot about the only reason I wanted it to have Wi-Fi was so I could use it for Netflix.

Watching TV

I don't get much of a chance to watch TV these days but somehow I managed to get some TV in this weekend. I've seen Saturday Night Live the last couple of years but it always seemed to be just bits of it or would watch it on DVR. This weekend I watched it live and actually enjoyed the Jane Lynch parodies of Glee. The digital short she did was funny but I'm not sure if I'm going to get the image of her naked out of my head for awhile. Bruno Mars was the musical guest and gave a good performance.

Maybe I can update

So I had all these things I kept blogging about but didn't get them posted online. Now I have had another crash of my laptop. This is like the 4,317 time since the first of the year. Well it seems like it anyway. I did backup on a regular basis so I did learn something from before but it still doesn't help me with all the programs I bought online and downloaded without having a hard copy of the program to re-install. So let's see if I can remember what I have been blogging about in my head.

Create your own home remedies

So we put the new patio out front and I was hoping to enjoy it a lot. I did not realize that we had put the bricks down in middle of our misquito hatchery. No, I'm convinced that we must be breeding and farming misquitoes and they love the taste of me I guess. So I came inside to find that we had nothing for the itch. Then I saw a sample pack of meds that we got somewhere and decided to look through it and I found Tucks pads for hemorrhoidal treatment. Well it said it had witch hazel in it so I know that is supposed to relieve itch so I figured "why not" since it was itching so bad I didn't care what it took. Didn't really help though and looked weird when my girlfriend walked past the bathroom while I was sitting on top of the toilet rubbing these pads on calves and ankles.

Hanging out at the Doctor's Office

I go to the doctor a lot. Seriously if I was a car I would be melted down and given away for scrap metal. So I have the routine down. I know how long I will be waiting in the "little room" before the doctor comes in. So for those less experienced, it's ok to lay back on that paper stuff with the pillow at the top of the bench. And if it helps put the sunglasses down so you catch a little shut eye. That's ok. I do it every time. Here's my visit from this week.

Family Bonding!

Was it about 110 degrees yesterday? That's what it felt like when I decided to do something stupid. You can test your relationship by seeing if you can work on a project together when it's scorching hot outside. My lovely girlfriend wanted to put down a brick patio in front of the house. It became a family project as the kids were helping out as well. What a great idea to have a whiney brat in the sun with no food and not enough to drink. And I'm just talking about me!! My complaining and carrying bricks around while she stood there with a shovel makes it a miracle that she didn't clock me in the back of the head and bury me under the patio. We finally got finished and she got called in to work so that I could enjoy it on my own.

Parking!

With the abundance of parking in Rapid (sarcasm)I hate when people don't use the parking spaces properly Here is the car on the left side of mine

Shouldn't have complained about the GPS

So a couple of weeks ago I complained about how the GPS should be called GBS. Well that was a mistake. When I went to New York, for some stupid reason I put all of my electronic things like iPod etc... into my computer carry-on bag. Including the GPS I had complained about. At first I thought I might have lost it since I had put it in a part of the bag that has a velcro flap. I have come to realize that since I was complaining about Amy the GPS that she actually crawled out of the bag so get away from me

They are firing weapons at our house!

That's what my 10 year old girl thought. She walked into my room Sunday with a red stick and a burnt piece of paper and fuse. She said, "Look the neighbors fired this at our house!" I had to explain that we didn't know where it came from and that no one had done it intentionally. It was still a couple of hours before she changed our Defcon status.

GPS? Actually it should be GBS!

Was a great time to use a GPS last weekend wasn't it? I mean, I was heading to Billings and why should I take time to go online or look at a map since I could use this gadget to just punch in the address and get where I needed to go right? I'm not sure who is more stupid, me or Amy the GPS. Oh she was talking to me and telling me to turn back that I "was an idiot" and "how did you ever get a license since you can't even spell it" I started yelling back at her because she was telling me that I should turn on roads that didn't exist. I really never found my destination. It was more like it found me. Then later I decide to give Amy the GBS another chance. Some people asked if we wanted to follow them but we had to stop back at our hotel and so they just gave me the address and said it should be no problem because they couldn't think of any construction on the route. WRONG! Well maybe not because I'm pretty sure the destination was only two blocks from where we started but GBS Amy took us back out to the interstate about 3 exits down and made me go down a road where I started seeing signs about how the pavement would be ending in 100 yards. That's not a good sign. So I get to where the road is closed and I'm trying to get out of there on my own and GBS Amy starts screaming at me again to go back. Then she starts in about how I don't eat right and I should be nicer to my family and friends and that's when I pulled the plug on GBS Amy.

My Birthday Wishes

Man I had no idea I knew so many people. There were so many people that wished me a Happy Birthday on Facebook I couldn't believe it. There had to be some program they used automatically to all send a little message. I really did appreciate it though because if I don't really really know you, I won't be friends with you on Facebook. There is always the chance I'm going to say something that not everyone needs to know about. Yes, I can be a loose cannon. These is why a couple of blogs ago I said there was no way I would want my parents on Facebook. With all the wishes I was getting I decided of all my friends would send me $25 and all their friends would send them $25 then.... Ok no one thought the Mike Birthday Scam..er Celbration Club was a good idea. Then I noticed people started dropping me as friends.

I did not touch her!

You might have heard me mention before that I am the announcer for the Rushmore Rollerz women's flat track roller derby team. My derby name is Broken Mic by the way. You might have heard me say that I date Summer Storm from the team. So before you look at the following pictures and get the idea that I might have struck her in any way let me point out that not only do I respect women and would never do anything like that but I also don't want to eat through a straw for the rest of my life! There is no doubt she could give me a beat down if I were to be in need of one. She was doing martial arts training when we first started dating while I on the other hand was in training to make the perfect ice cream sundae. So after the Rushmore Rollerz Bout last Saturday when I was asked to call over the EMT's I had no idea it was for her. I figured it must be important because she's an RN and usually is the first to check out someone's injury. Then I noticed the side of her face was swelling up. It turns out that during the physical bout she took an accidental helmet to the face. So I stayed behind to help clean things up while she was taken to the ER. This is the picture of her in the ER as the eye started to develop into a bruise.

Stupid people who can see

One of the entertainment stories on our website had the headline "Jay-Z Performs - Stevie Wonder Watches" That would be kinda hard to pull off since Stevie is still blind I believe.

Why You Don't Let Your Parents On Facebook

My parents aren't on Facebook. If they were I wouldn't friend them. I'm not being a bad son, that was already established when I forgot birthdays last year. It's because I don't need them to read the things that I post. Case in point. Got a call from my mom asking about getting pulled over. My cousin (who I may have to drop from my friend list)said something to my mother about being pulled over by a female police officer. My dad thinks I'm going to lose my license because I've been pulled over a couple of times lately. They've both been for lights on different vehicles. Don't ask. So I realize my cousin has told her about my posting (see blog below) where the female officer (very cute I might add) was at the car and the penis straw fell (like I said see blog below!) while I was getting the registration for my girlfriends car from the visor. So I tell my mom the whole story because it's not a big deal and then I make her promise me to never sign up for Facebook because I do not want to be having these kinds of calls in the future!

Sir May I See Your Straw?

Driving home in my girlfriends car I notice she has a headlight out. The other one had been out the last time I drove her car. About 3 blocks after I notice this at midnight a police officer turns around and pulls me over. She was a very cute, very nice police officer. This is how I posted it on my Facebook page. "Getting pulled over by the police in my girlfriends car because of a headlight = $0 warning. Reaching for the registration above the visor and having the blue penis straw from a bachelorette party fall in my lap in front of the hot officer = priceless."

Is This Safe?

It's hot and I've waited as long as I could to turn on the A/C but it has to be done. Once you look and see that it's 86 degrees inside you really aren't struggling with the deciscion. Turned it on at 6:30 and by 10 was getting ready for bed and noticed it really wasn't any cooler in the house. A/C wasn't working. Next day arrives and finally after work I've checked two fuse boxes only to find out after talking to the landlord that there was a third one I didn't know about. That did the trick. Since it was so hot in the house the kids went outside and turned the hose on each other and I look out the bathroom window and realize they are spraying each other with the hose ON THE TRAMPOLINE. Not safe right? Totally not safe when they have moved the tramp closer to the house where electrical lines were hanging above their wet heads as they bounced higher and higher. Tramp is off limits for awhile!

What Next?

So I had a crazy weekend going with my parents coming to town on Friday and a wedding on Saturday. Only I could have things happen like this. My parents drove 720 miles from Kansas City and were getting into town during the height of crazyness as I was getting ready to host Karaoke at The Clock Tower and get the house cleaned before they got here. Of course they were early & I live in a different place so they didn't know where to go. They called and I was trying to explain how to get to my house and there's a knock on the door. It's a woman who says she has backed into my car on the street. So I'm on the phone and this woman opens the door at the side of the house where there's no fence and let's my dogs out. I have a Jack Russell that has been waiting for this moment her whole life, so by the time the woman turned her head my dog was about a mile down the road. Did I mention it had started raining? She put a good sized dent in my bumper and wanted to talk about how long I had lived there. All while we were standing in the rain while my kids are chasing the most excited dog in the world in and out of traffic and my parents are on the phone asking if they should turn left.

Check out these legs

Yes, there was one other time that I dressed in a leather skirt and one time in a tutu. So before someone tries to blackmail me like I'm Jesse James or a Lindsay Lohan, I would like to beat everyone to the punch. Those previous times I was paying off bets that I lost. This time it was because I gave in to help promote the Rushmore Rollerz by dressing up as my favorite Roller Summer Storm.

Now I'm a whiner

I have all these things coming up starting today. It sounded like I was whining as I was thinking about it so I thought I would beat everyone to the punch and call myself on it first.

I'm a Slacker

Oh yea I'm a slacker. When it comes to updating the blog and things like that. Wait a minute. Why am I trying to narrow it down? I had promised to post this last week when I had a Rolling Stones question on Gender Wars and I said that I had their logo on my arm. However, I'm a slacker and I'm just now getting to it

Saturday Nights Suck

I said it. Ok, I'm just talking about for me lately. I think I've figured it out. Lately it's been the only night I've had free so I put so much pressure on having to take advantage of that by doing something exciting or productive and then I end up doing NOTHING. Worse though was when this happens like last night I was in a mood and nothing at all interested me. Now it's Sunday and all the things I could have done last night I feel like doing now and there's only so much time left in the day. OMG I'm a whiney little sissy! By the way the soda that was stolen from my fridge was Jayden. I didn't want to name names but I think it's only right.

It's Been Found

It's confirmed. Heather found the Hidden Egg. I'll have an interview with her on Monday with more details and an explanation of the clues. If you can't wait that long I will be putting some updates on Twitter through the weekend.

Frustrations

Frustration has been my word since last weekend and it keeps happening. Not that anyone likes being frustrated but I'm like a huge baby when it comes to being frustrated. Awhile back I lost a ton of stuff on my laptop. Fortunately I have an external drive that I had a lot of things backed up on. I also have two other computers that I have backed up to this external hard drive. It has now decided it doesn't want to work. Are you serious! Yes I know there are online places and other ways to back up so this doesn't happen but guess what I don't use those and it did happen. Other frustration? I don't have any soda today. Wait you don't realize how bad that is for me. Yes I know what things are bad for me too but that's not the point. The point is I have an empty fridge in my office that should have some cold soda in it and I don't. Plus I don't have any money on me to walk next door for some. Then again maybe I should recycle the cans that are sitting on top of the fridge?

White Shirts

First of all they don't look slimming on me. Yet I own them. I'm looking at one right now that is a nice shirt I really like it. Why do I have it in my office as a spare to change into? One of the biggest reasons I would change shirts would be if I spilled something on the one I have on. I only spill things on my shirts when I wear WHITE ones!

I rode a bike

I'm serious. That may not sound like a big deal until you realize that it's exercise and me in the same sentence. Ok, there's no real proof. It was right after dark and my girlfriend wasn't home and the kids were inside. I got on my girlfriends bike and rode down the street and back. The whole thing took all of 2 minutes at the most. I might have even said Wheeeee!

A Little Loopy

I'm loopy the last couple of days. Yes, I know you're saying how can you tell. It's a little more than usual though and I can tell. It's from lack of sleep and some really high blood sugar readings. Perhaps I should figure out for myself that taking my meds and not having leftover Easter Candy for breakfast might help out the blood sugar. Just throwing that out there. Oh and don't tell the kids I took some of their candy.

Stupid Computers

I know, it's operator error. I updated this blog and the blog on the home page on Friday and for some reason while I was out of the room the computer rebooted before I could finish so I lost all my work. It may have been the greatest blog ever! Ok I'm sure it wasn't. Today I can't concentrate because I have a picture to upload and I don't have the adaptor to do it. I'll finish later when I steal it from someone else's computer.

Birthdays

Again with the birthdays! What was I thinkin? There's a country song that says those words and I am referring to it. Because that's what I asked when I was at the Water Park last Satuday for a birthday party for my 10 year old girl and 4 of her friends along with her 11 year old brother and 12 year old cousin. I thought it was fine because I had my girlfriend in charge and I wouldn't have any problems right? That was true except for the 5 minutes my girlfriend went outside to meet one of the parents. I had forgotten that a group of 10 year old girls can scream louder than civil defense sirens! It turns out it went really well. For me anyway since I just sat around and watched.

Snow and Stuff

Snow? For real? Of course because historically our Spring storms always bring the most of the season and we were lucky enough to have the nice weather the last few days and we all know that always comes with a price. I know I'm a bad guy because I agreed to do the blog and then I never update it. Here's how I look at it though. If you sign up to get updates of my blog sent to you (I'm sure that would just be family members)it means you wouldn't get bombarded with them. Speaking of those kind of things, I think I am pretty good with electronics and I know each generation becomes more savvy. However, how do my 10 and 11 year old kids know how to do all these things to my cell phones to make changes that I have trouble undoing?

Yes I went AWOL

I'm talking about as far as the blog goes. One reason is that the birthday thing was a disaster. I should have done what I said I might do on my last blog.."So I might just scrap everything and hand her something unwrapped that I grabbed at the gas station counter and just say "Here, Happy Birthday" That would have been much better than what happened. Let me say I put a lot of work into it that she later appreciated. I got her DVD's and books that are out of circulation and hard to get. Of course I gave her a migraine to start things off and it kept getting worse to the point that she was not only dealing with the migraine but it made her sick to her stomach. Her friends were texting and asking how it was going and I had to tell them she was getting sick in the bathroom or she was climbing out the window. I was for sure it was the latter.

Weekend is Here

The weekend is here and after the beautiful weather all week we get this. Hopefully it doesn't represent how it will turn out for me since it's my girlfriends birthday and I have made some plans to surprise her. I'm not worried she will actually read this but I'll wait till next week to tell you how it all shakes out. I've been working on a plan but don't want her to think I'm recycling from what I did for my ex! So I might just scrap everything and hand her something unwrapped that I grabbed at the gas station counter and just say "Here, Happy Birthday"

I Can't Dance

So I had a great time hosting karaoke at the Clock Tower Lounge on Friday night and enjoyed seeing so many people who came out to support the Rushmore Rollerz there. Then Saturday morning I got to go to the private screening of The Box at The Elks for Shea's 16th birthday party. It was the Hits 102-7 Night At Elks appearance that was part of the weekend that was scariest. Why? Because I came out to interrupt the dancers from Heartland Dance before the movie started. Yes someone thought it would be great if I came out and said "Nobody puts Mikey in the corner" and yes I tried to do a lift and a dip and a twirl with Megan my partner who was not pretending to be terrified. My dancing was truly scary for her!

I'M AWFUL

Crissy hosts Battle of The Brains at Thirsty's for a reason. The biggest reason is that the words brains and Mike aren't allowed in the same sentence. I proved that last night as I sat with a table who hoped that I would help them out in the second round when it was all about music. Let me point out that if they had won I couldn't have allowed them to accept prizes because that would have been wrong of course. However, I really couldn't help them, I was terrible with the music portion. I used to play the NTN trivia in businesses and have success but last night I was just one big foul odor of a participant. Yes I stunk it up for them! Even worse I was able to help Crissy with a question about Desperate Housewives. What has happened to me?

HOMEWORK

So my girlfriend was helping the 9 year old with her homework last night. The fourth grader was trying to identify who a President was that had signed the Declaration of Independence. She started getting upset and said it was hard for her because she wasn't born back then. I thought that was funny and mentioned it on the air this morning. Once again, I'm in trouble. Call from a nine year old saying she doesn't like it when people talk about her. Lesson I learned? Make sure you say those things when they are already in school and not listening

Pickin' and Grinin'

I was watching the Olympics for a bit last night during the figure skating. Before the girl Kim from Korea went out to start her program to set a new record. They had the camera on her getting last minute instructions from her coach. She grabbed a tissue and began to wipe her nose then she started digging into her nose followed by an immersion up to her shoulder. I wasn't sure whether to think she should take care of that before she comes out in front of the cameras or whether it was cruel of them to keep showing it on TV. Then she went out and set a new world record for short programs and it made me think they should all try that ritual.

I'M GONNA BE IN DETENTION!

I'm in soooo much trouble! All last week the kids kept reminding me every day that parent teacher conferences were on Monday the 22nd. All last week I told them I was aware and to stop bugging me it was posted on the refrigerator and I would not forget. I forgot. My girlfriend was able to save me somewhat by meeting with the teachers for a couple of minutes a half hour after the scheduled appointment. Now I have a phone message from the principal too about something else. I'm going to tell them the kids never told me about it.

Betty White

I've always thought Betty White was funny, not just in the TV shows she was in over the years but in interviews and if you ever watched her on old games shows which you can still see on The Game Show Network you will find her ad-libs are extremely funny. Now she's getting all this attention from the Snickers ad that debuted during the Super Bowl. Of course the other two topics from that commercial was "I didn't know Abe Vigoda was still alive" followed by "who's that guy?". There is a write in campaign on Facebook to petition for Betty White to be on Saturday Night Live. It's already up to nearly a half a million signatures. Betty White has been great about downplaying it. She did say that if it were to happen she will not do nudity. She is funnier than many of today's young actors yet she is 88 and gets around better than I do. Actually that isn't saying much!

Dairy Queen

Ok, the talking mouth in the Dairy Queen commercial is creeping me out. Especially when he is trying to hypnotize me. It kind of distracts me from my ice cream craving.